Sound Waves - Summer 2008 Edition
Welcome to the Summer 2008 Web Edition of our Sound Waves newsletter. Here you can read the stories from our newsletter online. Alternatively, you can download the full PDF version of the summer 2008 newsletter.
President's Corner
The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we are afraid
-Richard Bach
Does the above quote make sense to any of you? It does to me especially when I think back to my younger years and my struggles to cope with hearing loss. I was so afraid of facing the challenges of hearing loss and rather than learn ways to cope I went into DENIAL.
What is DENIAL anyway? Basically, it is a defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or reality is avoided by denying its existence. It interferes with our ability to learn from and cope with the reality of our situation. It is lying to yourself!
There are many types of denial. Let’s look at some:
Denial of fact: We downright lie! People ask us if he have a hearing loss or tell us that they think we do or that our current loss is getting worse but we say, “no my hearing is fine”. We do this because we are avoiding the fact that it is happening and it is too painful to deal with, at least that was my scenario when my hearing started to get worse!!
Denial of responsibility: This is an area where we start to blame, “oh the hearing test was wrong”, “get me a second opinion”, “they just don’t talk loud enough”, “the room is noisy”, “I don’t need a hearing aid”, etc. We use any excuse to avoid accepting responsibility for what is happening. We avoid that first hearing test like the plague!!!
Denial of impact: We avoid thinking about the impact that our hearing loss has on others. It becomes all about ME! I am the one suffering so how can you say I understand or I feel for you? It can cause problems in our relationships because we don’t acknowledge the consequences that come with the hearing loss. We make decisions that are not always best for us or our relationships. For example,. I never stopped to think about the sadness those who loved me felt or how helpless it made them feel. I did not want to deal with their issues so I minimized the impact by denying its importance or existence. This impact of course flowed over into friendships, work and the community. I was the one with the problem so why was everyone saying it was their problem too? It took me awhile to figure that one out!!
Denial of Denial: I wish I had a dollar for every time I said “I am not in denial”. Through this stage I prevented myself from looking for solutions and ways to cope. I refused to accept the fact that some things had to change. I refused to acknowledge the impact of my hearing loss and consequently, I held myself back. I just refused to acknowledge my hearing loss and the problems that came with it! It took me awhile to accept the fact that what happens to me now depends on me. I had to move from negative to positive mode. Hard stuff! I mean who was I kidding, everyone knew about my hearing loss and all the bluffing in the world could not hide it forever.
In my DENIAL, I said my life was okay and my hearing loss was not a problem. So, if that was true why did I shy away from social gatherings and intimate conversations with family and friends? Why was I so frustrated? What was I afraid of? It took me a long time to accept the fact that I was in DENIAL about the impact that hearing loss was having on my life . It took me a long time to stop lying to ME. My biggest ally in the DENIAL game was my LIES and once I let go and admitted that I had a problem and went looking for solutions, I moved forward. The TRUTH became a powerful friend and I learned that life after hearing loss can be good!
SO... my question to you is “ARE YOU IN DENIAL ABOUT YOUR HEARING LOSS?”.
Share with us some examples of your struggles and your solutions.
Have a Safe and Happy Summer!
Mrytle Barrett